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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Top Ten Wants and Non-Wants for Smash Bros 5

When it comes to Super Smash Bros, we all have our favorite Nintendo fighters and we all have our favorite non-Nintendo characters that we wish could be in the game. And things like Super Smash Flash 2, Smash Bros Crusade and even non-games such as Smash Bros Lawl have all shown us the possibilities of what the simplistic Smash Bros moveset can provide. But I got thinking. For as many characters as people want to return or debut in Smash bros 4, there are those we never want to see again, or anywhere's near the game. So I thought it might be an interesting challenge to try to think of characters that I don't want to see debut in Smash. Now, this list was originally not going to be entirely Nintendo characters or even entirely video game characters. Since Smash Bros returns to the shelves in October (hopefully), here is the list of ONLY Nintendo characters I want to see in Smash Bros and an alternate list of characters I never want to see playable in the Smash Bros arena.
(Oh, one more thing, I tried to makes these lists using characters that are less than mainstream, the more obscure the better.)

10, Any spider or shark-related character, cause those two species get a bum wrap.
9, Dogu and Onigiri - From Wrecking Crew '98, Dogu and Onigiri were the first and final secret opponents respectively. Onigiri, as the name suggests, is a living rice ball. Dogu, in the real world, is a type of clay figurine made in ancient Japan. The style is commonly referenced, see Huitzil from Darkstalkers and Shakkoumon from Digimon. The reason for these picks of a game I've never played is that Onigiri could use sushi-related attacks and Dogu could use mystical attacks.
8, This one is kind of a different entry. Last year, Archie Comics had a crossover between their long-running Sonic the Hedgehog series with the more recent Mega Man series, and produced an enjoyable story arc which gave us things like 'Roboticised Masters', which were Robot Master versions of Sonic's many friends. If one of those friends, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, whoever, makes it into Smash 5, I don't see why Tails Man, or Knuckles Man, or Shadow Man (the non Mega Man 3 kind) couldn't be an alternate costume!
7, Any boss from Donkey Kong Country Returns or Tropical Freeze - Look at them. They're all original, and would provide for unique movesets, especially the Scruvy Crew from Returns and Ba-Boom the Boisterous and Bashmaster from Tropical Freeze. Who wouldn't want to fight as a giant polar bear with a massive spiked hammer? 
6, King Watinga - Mario Paint for the SNES introduced a lot of us to our very first mouse, a few years before the Internet really took off. Mario Paint was basically MS Paint with a music maker, but it inspired a lot of people to let their creativity flow. One part of the fun was Gnat Attack. Meant to get users accustomated to the mouse, players controlled a glove with a fly swatter and had to swat. After swatting 99 bugs, you faced the robotic Watinga, and boy was he armed to the A flying robot insect guy in Smash could be fun.
5, King Totomesu / Tatanga - In Super Mario Land for the classic Game Boy, odds are there's two bosses you would recognize the quickest. The sphinx boss from the Birabuto Kingdom, King Totomesu, and the alien invader Tatanga, the final boss of the game and a boss in the sequel 6 Golden Coins. Totomesu is a fire breathing sphinx, which sounds weird for a Mario game, but all of the enemies in Mario Land were just plain weirdly awesome, and would be great to see in modern Mario games. Totomesu and other Mario Land enemies appear in the massive fan game Mushroom Kingdom Fusion, updated for the fan game's visual style. Plus, Totomesu is four-legged, which of as right now, the only character in Smash Bros games to fight on four legs was Ivysaur.
Tatanga fights inside of a spaceship and holds the distinction of being the first non-Bowser final boss Mario ever fought.His spaceship could be utilized for all sorts of funky ideas. 
4, Simon Belmont - Even if Snake did return, I want this Konami legend in the fray, for the pure and simple reason as for the novelty of having the three main Captain N allies in the same game.
3, Galacta Knight - No other character in the Kirby series had such a bad-ass theme.
2, Missingno. - The world's most famous gaming glitch. I don't want it to be just a mass of pixels fighting. I want a combination of his ghostly, skeletal, corporeal appearances...kind of a certain drawing I know of...hehe.
1, ST Falcon - The star of Battle Clash and Metal Combat: Falcon's Revenge was never seen in gameplay. You see, they were Super Scope games on the SNES. The stages consisted of boss fights, giant robot mecha suits that you had to wittle down by aiming at their weak spots with the Super Scope to win. I know robots got well-represented on this list already, but this hero is my number one pick of the obscure hall of fame. (Although, the green-and-yellow gorilla-ish boss Garam appears in both games and is arguably the most recognizeable character from the series.)
Honourable mentions;
Harry from the Teleroboxer Virtual Boy game. (A robot boxer)
Dumb Drum from the first Donkey Kong Country game. (Literally just an oil drum that spat out enemies.)

And now, the list of Nintendo characters I do not want to see playable in Smash Bros. And I have to say, this was an extremely difficult list to make, seeing how I love to see newcomers in Smash Bros. Well, I tried and here is the list of people and things I don't want anywhere near the playable roster.
10, Yarn Kirby - give the spot to Prince Fluff.
9, Metang from Pokemon - In Pokemon White, Metang was harder for me to fight than Kyurem was and I caught Kyurem!!! When you are down to one hit point and forty turns and Timer balls have no effect, something is definitely wrong!
8, Silver the Hedgehog - '06 aside, I just find him to be a boring design. At least in the Archie comics he's a little more interesting. At least I think so.
7, Any regular enemy character - All I'm saying is that if a Goomba is added to list, make him one of the Goombas that had a name.
6, Characters that hurt themselves with their own attacks as much as Pichu did - I've mellowed over the inclusion of Pichu as years have gone by, as I reconsidered Pichu's value. But Pichu still hurt itself with its electric attacks, and considering it was a clone of Pikachu, that means most of its attacks were electricity-based. Risk and reward aspects to fighters is fine, just as long as the simple act of moving isn't a risk itself.
5, Uniracers - I'm all for unique fighters but an anthropomorphic unicycle probably would end up being an item.
4, The Angry Video Game Nerd - No disrespect intended to James Rolfe, but the Nerd couldn't swear in a game, he probably shouldn't be there.
3, Zero from the Mega Man X series - unless he's accompanied by X himself.  (Yeah, MvC3 didn't make sense to me in that regard.)
2,  Rahu - The boss of Custom Robo for the GameCube, three forms of sheer pain. I'd love to see a Custome Robo character upgraded from Assist Trophy to Fighter but keep Rahu away from me.
(Drum roll please…)
1, Funfun - Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 was not just my first Wario game, it was my first Game Boy game ever, which I got the same day as the Super Game Boy, a peripheral which allowed you to play the classic Game Boy games on a Super Nintendo. I remember the boss of the fourth stage, Stove Canyon, was this giant demonic head that spit fireballs at me. It took me awhile to figure out that the rubble created from his fireballs was what I need to damage it. Funfun was anything but fun. Not even the final boss caused me as much grief.
To be honest, going into Smash Bros 4, I decided that whatever new character brought in would be fine by me, just as long as a good portion of the veterans are brought back as well.
In addition, I'm not really picky about how many characters are in the game either. They can have every Koopaling, every Kirby power, every Mario power, the entire Wonderful 101, and half the Pokemon as playable characters and I wouldn't mind - just as long as the other franchises get a boost in representation as well.  
And just for the heck of it; here is the ORIGINAL list of characters I didn't want to see in Smash Bros 5, which was made more for comedy's sake than actually possibility of an appearance;

Dog Pound from the 2012 TMNT series (2012 Rahzar’s fine)
Donald Trump
Ann Coulter
Any character from Bakugan
Any character from Thumb Wrestling Federation
Monster Hunter's Deviljho, Diablos, Royal Ludroth, Barroth, and Gigginox
John Cena
Triple H
The Redeemer from the Spawn comics
Yunsung, Night Terror and Algol from Soul Calibur
SpongeBob SquarePants
Honey Boo Boo
Anyone from Duck Dynasty

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